Friday, July 15, 2016


Still on the subject of choosing a marriage partner, (it's an inexhaustible field, don't you think?), I would like to share with you some essential thoughts that will help you now in your search and even much more later on your journey of marriage.
I draw my thoughts from Luke 14:28-30:
"Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: He started something he couldn't finish." The Message Translation
There is little doubt that when most single people are contemplating a choice of a life partner, they are often preoccupied with the immediate. They judge mostly by what they feel drawn to in the other person for the now. What they look like now. What they know now. How they behave now. Just their capacity in the now.

While this is an inevitable part of the process, it must not be the overriding preoccupation. Marriage as you already know is a lifetime journey. So you want to marry someone for the long haul. You want to be sure that your partner has staying power and will not begin to sing a different tune some years down the line. 
Let me let you know this truth: You will be married to different persons in the same person as the years progress in your married life!
Yes you heard me right.
The person you marry now will be a different kind of person in five, ten, twenty, thirty-five, fifty, sixty years from now! 
The same thing applies to you too. 
Why so?
It is because of one harmless-sounding word. 
See, people evolve with time. That means that people change with time. Not necessarily in a bad way or in a negative sense but because of the reality of living and as a result of life's experiences and interactions. Experiences, exposure, increased knowledge ( or the lack thereof), influences, pressures, challenges, unforeseen circumstances, children, sons and daughters-in law, grand-children, demands of work and career, business challenges, progress, blessings, setbacks, growing, aging, dwindling hormones, dwindling libido, health issues and the list goes on and on and on again. 
The effect of all of these interactions is that they cause a person to evolve gradually and without announcement! The things that were once seen as important now take a back seat on their scale of preferences because in the light of their current reality, those things no longer matter that much. They are changing. Their views and perspectives are being altered gradually. The same thing is happening to you too.
The point therefore is that if you married someone only because of their capacity at the time, what becomes of your relationship when tomorrow both of you have become somewhat different individuals in terms of your EXPECTATIONS from each other especially?
Your needs from each other are different now.
Even your capabilities and 'smartness' may suffer a momentary setback due to busier schedules, health challenges, distractions and what have you. 
What times like these call for is a restructuring of thoughts and paradigms. A rising up to the challenge of present realities. Ditching confining stereotypes and adjusting to your new realities with a view to making sure that your relationship thrives while nothing suffers. Getting things done in spite of! Working in harmony and finding joy in every season your lives go through. All these while remaining true to your vows and not compromising fidelity!
So when the tide has turned somewhat, what becomes of you both? Will you be able to rise up to the occasion and give to life what it demands from you at this new level? Will you be able to cope or will someone throw in the towel and jump ship? Will someone become irritable and reactionary because 'what' they married has slipped away unnoticed?
This, my friend is what you should consider in choosing a marriage partner. From the get go, you have to be able to determine that you are marrying someone who in your estimation will be able to last on the journey WHEN the seasons change and the once physically alluring attributes have become anything but! This is so crucial I couldn't emphasize it enough.
Think tomorrow, guys. Think tomorrow! 
Your choice today must take into consideration the inevitable truth that both of you will need to evolve with time in a better way, that is. So you need to be sure that whoever you are traveling on the journey of marriage with understands this as much as you do. It is something you both should talk about and be aware of. 
So, how then do you go about this daunting task? 
It all boils down to subjecting yourself and your partner to the test of character in your pre-marital relationship. This will take some time as well as deliberate effort aimed at carrying on in your relationship in a manner that will help you determine if your partner is a 'sprint runner' or 'marathon runner!' Lol. 
Look out for and cultivate in yourself the following qualities:
-Teachability ( willingness to learn and to grow).
No doubt you need the help of the Holy Spirit in this. Pray and sincerely depend on Him to show you what you ordinarily would not even perceive.
But having done that, you need smart engagement with your intended so as to be able to ascertain that they pass the flexibility, adaptability and teachability test.
Don't forget that you must also pass the same test yourself. 
We all start from 'somewhere,' but we need to be open-minded and willing to grow as we learn from the experiences life throws at us. With this attitude in place, we will be able to go the whole length of our (hopefully) long and beautiful marriages without losing steam especially when the various seasons happen upon us.
Here's to an awesome journey in marriage!

1 comment:

  1. So thought provoking. You area blessing. Thank you Ma.