Over the years, I have heard the
recurring cry of women bordering on what it takes to please a man, as much as I
have also heard men desperately wondering what it is that women want from men.
Let me address women in this piece and I'd do same for men in another post. The
predominant idea amongst married women especially, is that men are very
difficult and hard to please. Owing mostly to the tough exterior that most men
put forward, most women perceive them as being severe and unyielding to say the
least. To my mind however, men are really not difficult to handle or relate
with in marriage if you know what it takes to get them on your side. If you
know what it takes and are willing to tackle it, you'll be singing a different
song in a little bit! A careful rumination of human nature reveals this
underlying truth: that people are usually at their best when they are
comfortable and unruffled. Well women, nothing makes a man as 'comfortable' as
being respected by his significant other in an exclusive relationship. Knowing
and deploying this truth lies at the very top of the 'to know' list of a
successful marriage relationship from a woman's perspective.
Being made by God as the provider and
leader of the family thrusts upon the man a high degree of responsibility. In
discharging this, he needs to go out there and be aggressive and competitive
amongst other men so as not to fail in his responsibility to his family. Hence,
the average man is pushful, aggressive and competitive. This explains why they
have an innate need to be applauded, affirmed and respected. Men mostly react
and act up when their primary need from their wives is threatened; that is
their need for respect! Women, please understand that respect is a man's main
language! You may get everything else right, if you don't get this one right,
it will invalidate all the other 'good' things you do or have done. Men live
for their wives' validation and crave regard from them. That's just how they
are wired. That's the way God made them, just like God made us women in a
certain way, having some peculiar needs. So, talk to him respectfully. Relate
to him respectfully. Even when you need to disagree, do it respectfully! He
won't always be right, and he won't always do things that please you; but if
your intention is to get his attention and cause him to be sorry for hurting
you, if your desire is a sensitive man who delights in pleasing you as opposed
to deliberately refraining from being kind to you, then respect is the path to
tow in your everyday dealings with him. You see, this has nothing to do with
whether you are a valuable person or not. This is not about your worth as a
person or even about whether you have needs of your own or not. Respecting your
husband or anyone for that matter does not diminish you in any way. Rather, it
is a show of wisdom because you are employing a strategy that will accrue
untold benefits to you in your relationship with your them. It is not even
about whether your motives and intentions are right or wrong. It may never be
your intention to be rude or condescending towards your husband; but believe me
sisters, whether real or perceived, once a man gets the impression that he is
being disrespected, he reacts! And usually not in a pleasant way! He becomes
defensive, uncooperative and difficult etc. all because he feels the need to
'be the man' and to defend his turf! Lol! (I know, right? You're wondering
'who's struggling with his stuff'?) But believe it or not, this is the root of
most husbands' outbursts and dis-agreeableness. Of course respect is a two-way
street and the bible enjoins husbands to treat their wives with honour too, 1 Pet. 3:7. But don't forget that we are addressing
women here and talking about what lies at the very core of a man's existence.
So, respect is the bottom-line for men from their wives. It will get you the
attention and regard you deserve and bring out the best in him too. Someone is
probably wondering 'what if he does not behave in a manner deserving of respect
from me'? Well you have the option of treating him based on what he deserves;
you know, tit for tat! The result of course will be very predictable: he will
remain as he is or even get worse, because nobody ever gets better when they
know that not much is expected from them and that they have been condemned to a
life of misbehavior. The other not-so-pleasant option will be to take the high
road and treat him based on where you'd rather see him be, meaning that you
treat him ( by faith) as if he were already deserving of your respect. The
result of this would be that he would surely rise to that level gradually. It
may take sometime but if you keep at it, being gracious to him despite his obvious
shortcomings (which he is not unaware of, believe me), he will relax with you
and become less difficult because he no longer senses a threat to his position
from you! And also because by your noble actions you are subtly letting him
know that he is better than where he's at presently. Okay ladies, so that's it.
That may not be all that there is to your own particular situation and
circumstance, but I tell you most truthfully, if this one is in place, it
serves as a solid foundation upon which to build whatever needs to be built in
your relationship with your spouse. There may be other issues in your own
particular marriage and I hope you get the relevant information that will help
you. Suffice it to say for now though that a man's God-made need to be respected
by his wife remains the compulsory course for every wife in the school of
marriage.
Shalom.
Thank you for this mummy straight to the point!
ReplyDeletePraise God. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteTrue talk Ma,God bless you.
ReplyDeleteBless you too. Thanks for reading and commenting!
ReplyDelete..... and it starts at courtship. A man you don't respect while courting will be difficult to respect when married. Also, respect starts from the heart and flows into action. Men recognise true respect.
ReplyDeleteTrue!
DeleteThank you ma for this word ,i have learnt a lot from this and i will stick to it. God bless
ReplyDeleteThat's good. Keep it up and remain blessed.
DeleteThank you ma for this word ,i have learnt a lot from this and i will stick to it. God bless
ReplyDeleteMummy thanks for this revelations. More grace ma.
ReplyDeletePst Lanre Adeboye.
Thanks pastor. Bless you.
DeleteThanks ma for this post. I'm a great fan...refreshingly different. I'm expecting some more
ReplyDeleteWe all need to hear this no matter how long we've been married. Also single ladies need to hear this. We must endeavour to strike a balance between spirituality and reality. This is one of IT.
ReplyDeleteAwesome piece God bless you ma.
ReplyDelete