Tuesday, December 15, 2015

RESPECT? YES!

Over the years, I have heard the recurring cry of women bordering on what it takes to please a man, as much as I have also heard men desperately wondering what it is that women want from men. Let me address women in this piece and I'd do same for men in another post. The predominant idea amongst married women especially, is that men are very difficult and hard to please. Owing mostly to the tough exterior that most men put forward, most women perceive them as being severe and unyielding to say the least. To my mind however, men are really not difficult to handle or relate with in marriage if you know what it takes to get them on your side. If you know what it takes and are willing to tackle it, you'll be singing a different song in a little bit! A careful rumination of human nature reveals this underlying truth: that people are usually at their best when they are comfortable and unruffled. Well women, nothing makes a man as 'comfortable' as being respected by his significant other in an exclusive relationship. Knowing and deploying this truth lies at the very top of the 'to know' list of a successful marriage relationship from a woman's perspective.


Being made by God as the provider and leader of the family thrusts upon the man a high degree of responsibility. In discharging this, he needs to go out there and be aggressive and competitive amongst other men so as not to fail in his responsibility to his family. Hence, the average man is pushful, aggressive and competitive. This explains why they have an innate need to be applauded, affirmed and respected. Men mostly react and act up when their primary need from their wives is threatened; that is their need for respect! Women, please understand that respect is a man's main language! You may get everything else right, if you don't get this one right, it will invalidate all the other 'good' things you do or have done. Men live for their wives' validation and crave regard from them. That's just how they are wired. That's the way God made them, just like God made us women in a certain way, having some peculiar needs. So, talk to him respectfully. Relate to him respectfully. Even when you need to disagree, do it respectfully! He won't always be right, and he won't always do things that please you; but if your intention is to get his attention and cause him to be sorry for hurting you, if your desire is a sensitive man who delights in pleasing you as opposed to deliberately refraining from being kind to you, then respect is the path to tow in your everyday dealings with him. You see, this has nothing to do with whether you are a valuable person or not. This is not about your worth as a person or even about whether you have needs of your own or not. Respecting your husband or anyone for that matter does not diminish you in any way. Rather, it is a show of wisdom because you are employing a strategy that will accrue untold benefits to you in your relationship with your them. It is not even about whether your motives and intentions are right or wrong. It may never be your intention to be rude or condescending towards your husband; but believe me sisters, whether real or perceived, once a man gets the impression that he is being disrespected, he reacts! And usually not in a pleasant way! He becomes defensive, uncooperative and difficult etc. all because he feels the need to 'be the man' and to defend his turf! Lol! (I know, right? You're wondering 'who's struggling with his stuff'?) But believe it or not, this is the root of most husbands' outbursts and dis-agreeableness. Of course respect is a two-way street and the bible enjoins husbands to treat their wives with honour too, 1 Pet. 3:7. But don't forget that we are addressing women here and talking about what lies at the very core of a man's existence. So, respect is the bottom-line for men from their wives. It will get you the attention and regard you deserve and bring out the best in him too. Someone is probably wondering 'what if he does not behave in a manner deserving of respect from me'? Well you have the option of treating him based on what he deserves; you know, tit for tat! The result of course will be very predictable: he will remain as he is or even get worse, because nobody ever gets better when they know that not much is expected from them and that they have been condemned to a life of misbehavior. The other not-so-pleasant option will be to take the high road and treat him based on where you'd rather see him be, meaning that you treat him ( by faith) as if he were already deserving of your respect. The result of this would be that he would surely rise to that level gradually. It may take sometime but if you keep at it, being gracious to him despite his obvious shortcomings (which he is not unaware of, believe me), he will relax with you and become less difficult because he no longer senses a threat to his position from you! And also because by your noble actions you are subtly letting him know that he is better than where he's at presently. Okay ladies, so that's it. That may not be all that there is to your own particular situation and circumstance, but I tell you most truthfully, if this one is in place, it serves as a solid foundation upon which to build whatever needs to be built in your relationship with your spouse. There may be other issues in your own particular marriage and I hope you get the relevant information that will help you. Suffice it to say for now though that a man's God-made need to be respected by his wife remains the compulsory course for every wife in the school of marriage.
Shalom.

14 comments:

  1. Thank you for this mummy straight to the point!

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  2. True talk Ma,God bless you.

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  3. Bless you too. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  4. ..... and it starts at courtship. A man you don't respect while courting will be difficult to respect when married. Also, respect starts from the heart and flows into action. Men recognise true respect.

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  5. Thank you ma for this word ,i have learnt a lot from this and i will stick to it. God bless

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  6. Thank you ma for this word ,i have learnt a lot from this and i will stick to it. God bless

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  7. Mummy thanks for this revelations. More grace ma.
    Pst Lanre Adeboye.

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  8. Thanks ma for this post. I'm a great fan...refreshingly different. I'm expecting some more

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  9. Abimbola Dayo-AiyetanMarch 19, 2016 at 5:11 AM

    We all need to hear this no matter how long we've been married. Also single ladies need to hear this. We must endeavour to strike a balance between spirituality and reality. This is one of IT.

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