Tuesday, September 6, 2016

DEALING WITH SEXUAL ADDICTION Part Two

SEX
God made us sexual beings with feelings and longings. But we need to remember that sex is a covenant act; it is meant for the confines of the marriage relationship only. That is when it makes sense and fulfills its purpose of being the seal of oneness between a man and his wife. 
Heb13:4 in the Amplified version says
"Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and adulterous."

Through the sexual act in marriage therefore, the husband and wife are saying to each other "My covenant is with you; I will never love another person this way." 
This is because sex is not just a body thing but a soul thing, and being the height of vulnerability between two people, it affects your total being. 
- Does something permanent to you because it is the merging of two persons " becoming one flesh." 
- it leads to forming soul ties 
- It also leads to transference of spirits between sexually active people. This explains the uncanny resemblance of some married couples who have been together for several years! 


              DANGERS Of SEXUAL ADDICTION
Because sex is the window to the soul, engaging in it illicitly can lead to bondage. 
1. It makes one open to an evil spirit e.g David and Bathsheba's adultery.
A wrong (evil) spirit clouded his judgement and made him commit murder. Read the full account in 2 Samuel 11. 
David knew better, but was overtaken by an evil spirit after he engaged in adultery.
Psalm51:10

2. Transference of evil spirits. 
This sometimes leads to things like impotence in men, the release of lustful spirits that keep people in bondage and so on. Sometimes too these demonic forces take advantage and bring about attacks on health, business and career
*Lustful spirits can be transferred through food, gifts, clothes, etc. Ezekiel13:18

3. Guilt and condemnation 
( What stops you from serving God)

4. Instability Gen49:3-4

5. Destroys your soul. Proverbs6:32 

6. Leads to abortion sometimes.
Abortion is a decision that is irreversible and unforgettable because it is done illegally. 
The foetus is a human life because the life of the flesh is in the blood. If there is blood there is life. Lev17:11
When does human life begin really? Jer. 1:5 answers that question clearly: 
Jeremiah 1:5
5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
So God knew us even before we were conceived! And while we were still in our mothers' wombs He already had a clear-cut plan and assignment for us individually! 
And you say life begins after birth? 
Not so my friend. Not so.
Abortion isn't just about terminating an unwanted or inconvenient or embarrassing foetus;  it is killing the future/destiny that God already had planned out.

7. Sexually transmitted diseases.

8. Hinders your ability to achieve sexual success later. 

At this point, I would like to offer this admonition:

**FIND OUT WHAT IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE THAT MAKES YOU SO DRIVEN TO SEXUAL ADDICTION because all behavior has a stimulus. It could be UNMET NEEDS, Searching for something,  a hurting soul. e.g emotional, physical, spiritual needs, low self-esteem, feeling like a failure etc
Please note that 
- Sex does not cure loneliness 
- Lust is never satisfied.

THE DEVASTATION OF SEXUAL ABUSE/MOLESTATION
The reality of our world today is that not everyone who engages in sexual activity does so willingly; at least not initially for most people. 
Unfortunately, rape and sexual abuse of all kinds happen, and despite being shrouded in a lot of secrecy, many people are victims of these clandestine activities. 
- Shame, guilt, bitterness, promiscuity (letting loose, feeling that there is nothing to loose anymore, becoming desperate for love) are only some of the fallouts of this evil.
Please believe me when I say that Jesus is willing and able to set you free from the effects of sexual abuse or any kind of abuse for that matter. 
If you are caught in this web and wondering what to do:

1. Talk to God about how you feel and pray for healing. Jh. 8:1, Luke7:36-47

2. Forgive your abuser. There can be no healing without forgiveness.
If you refuse to release them, they will continue to control your life. Ask God's help in this regard because it is understandably not an easy thing to do on one's own. 

3. Renew your mind. Eph4:22-24, Gal2:20

4. Seek help. Do not pretend to be okay or to have it together. Prayerfully ask God to lead you to His prepared, capable and compassionate vessels who will walk you through the process of healing and moving on in victory.

5. Prevent reoccurrence as much as lies in your power.

6. Move on.
This may sound cold and insensitive but my friend you owe your life and destiny the responsibility of not allowing your violator to exercise perpetual control over you via un forgiveness and so forth. Jesus came to set the captives free from all oppressions and He is able to help you move on in victory from where you are right now.

7. Reach out to others. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

 WAY OUT
1. Acknowledge that you have a problem with sexual addiction 
" Whatever you tolerate, you cannot change" 1Jhn1:8-10

2. The major way to destroy any ungodly appetite/desire is to starve it to death. 
Render it powerless by cutting off its food supply. In other words don't feed it. Starve that appetite for illicit sexual indulgences. 
DONT FUEL YOUR LUST!
Avoid reading, watching, listening to or being in the environment that can fuel that weakness.
" An army marches on its stomach!" 
So deal with your flesh through FASTING. Psalm35:13.
Friend, no yoke is safe from the power of a fast. Proverbs23:2.
When you fast, you don't just starve the flesh, you strengthen the spirit. 
Make fasting a habit. 

3. Avoid the triggers that tempt you. 
e.g Internet, TV, Magazines, compromising situations, home alone, places(cafe, bars). James4:7
Avoid contact with the person who tempts you. (Old boy or girlfriend, client etc). 
Change your phone number, delete their numbers, email addresses, refuse to pick their calls or get together with them. e.g Joseph. Gen39:10
Discard pictures, mementoes, pornographic materials. etc.

4. Get an accountability partner; someone stronger than you who can help you and hold you accountable. Someone whom you can call on at anytime especially in times of weakness and temptation.
I don't think I need to remind you that your accountability partner has to be someone who is stronger and more stable spiritually than you, not someone who is struggling like you!

5. Distract your mind when you are tempted.
I came across a write-up sometime ago where the author suggested that you do some focused math calculations in your head for some minutes! Like say 12x23+986+55-3x7....!!!

6. Find something you enjoy doing that does not involve sex at all and give it a try to REDIRECT YOUR ENERGIES. e.g sport. volunteer work in your church or community, etc

7. Become more physically active- Work out, jog, take walks, do gardening etc

8. When tempted, begin to pray for strength, pray in the spirit.
Saturate your life with the word of God- songs, scriptures, messages. etc.
There you go. 
I believe that this will help you to honour and glorify God with the beautiful gift of sexuality that God has endowed us with.

Peace to you!

3 comments:

  1. Wonderful piece. I struggle with masturbation and I initially thought it was a proper way to prevent fornication which was a bigger sin. I found this very helpful and I pray as I use these keys, I would be delivered...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God you found this post useful, Joseph. Jesus sets free indeed. God's amazing grace to you.

      Delete
  2. Wonderful piece. I struggle with masturbation and I initially thought it was a proper way to prevent fornication which was a bigger sin. I found this very helpful and I pray as I use these keys, I would be delivered...

    ReplyDelete